by carlos

9 Things to Consider Before You Separate

Separation can be a tough decision to make as well as a challenging process to go through. That is why you need several weeks and even months to think through it before finally making the decision to be separated.

In this article, you will learn about the 9 important things to consider before you separate.

What are the 9 essential things to consider before you separate?


1.    Get legal advice

Consulting with one of the best family lawyers means that an expert is there to answer many of your questions and guide you in your decision making as regards getting separated.

As you plan to get separated, you will have several questions that need answers. They may include,

  • What are my rights?
  • What are the laws in my state concerning separation?
  • How about having custody of my kids?
  • When can I separate?
  • How do I communicate this to my partner and kids?

Having a legal adviser is one of the best ways to manage separation stress and map out the best plans for you.

2.    Make your reasons very clear to your partner

After you are very clear on the reason(s) why you want to be separated, make them clearly understood by your partner.

You may decide to discuss with your partner about your decision to separate or even decide to communicate your reasons for separation to him/her through a mail or a letter. Whatever the channel of your communication, make sure your messages are clearly understood.

3.    Talk to your kids

It is vital to talk to your kids about your decision. It will help them through the stress and frustration they may be going through.

When talking to your kids, observe the following.

  • Do not play the blame game.
  • If possible, you and your partner can talk to them about your decision.
  • Be very honest with them and answer all their questions.
  • Do not load them with more information than they can handle.
  • Tell them you both love them and your decision does not affect how much you love them.

Tell your kids about your plans for them after your separation process.

4.    Go for counseling

Also, the whole idea and process of separation can cause you a mental break down. But with the guidance of a counselor, you will be able to regain and maintain your mental balance and even find happiness again.

Counseling helps you to

  • Understand the decision that you are making
  • Manage communication with your partner and kids
  • Secure a better future for yourself
  • To be happy again

5.    Have a sustainable plan

Before you separate, you need to have a sustainable plan. Also, you should already have figured out where you will be moving to after your separation. Don’t just put your clothes and shoes in the box and leave the house without fixing up a place for yourself.

6.    Make Parental Arrangements

If you have kids, it is best to make arrangements for your involvement in their lives after you are separated. You can arrange to spend weekends with them by taking them shopping or even just visiting them.

You can also decide to attend every single game of your child at school or be the one to always pick them up from school. Making these types of arrangement are essential, especially if you are not sure of child custody.

7.    Put all your relevant documents in order

Your relevant documents include credit cards, identity cards, marriage certificates, passports, and birth certificates. Putting all your documents (financial and personal) will help you understand your status to make the best decision. It will help your plan accordingly. Also, it will clarify issues of assets, belongings and investments.

8.    Create an explicit separation agreement

Before you separate, create and a separation agreement that divides your assets and defines your responsibilities. The agreement should cover areas such as child support and custody, where and how you and your partner will live, spousal support, bills, debts and other aspects of finances.

9.    Protect your privacy (create new passwords)

Change the passwords of your cell phones, social media pages and emails to ensure your privacy. Remember, you may have shared the details of your password with your partner but now you need some privacy. Things have changed.

It is vital to get these nine things right before you separate. It will save you a lot of worries and troubles.